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In 2015 I began to write at Prayer Wine Chocolate. One of the main reasons I started to blog was to share my husband and I’s “road less traveled”.

It was the beginning of what we thought would be our second adoption journey (it ended up being our second and third adoption journey!).

We became the luckiest parents in the world when we adopted our oldest son.  Taking that road involved carrying the cross of infertility and entering a path of lots of choices and tons of unknowns.  We began our road to adoption not knowing where we were being called to adopt from (international or domestic).  Prayer and faith were major guides, our family and friends were an incredible support system.  It was in those years that we learned a lot about adoption.  For our son’s adoption, we used an agency and decided to adopt from the United States.  We saved money for years while both of us worked full-time.  We were blessed with a baby boy in the summer of 2012.  Our hearts were filled with so much joy and I wouldn’t be surprised if they physically grew bigger!  God made me a mommy and my husband, Matt, a daddy.  So many prayers were answered.

But our prayers were always to have children.  We always wanted to have more than one child. We felt the greatest gift we could ever give our son would be at least one sibling.  For a couple years though, we didn’t pursue another adoption.  We loved and cared for our son.  My husband and I decided it would be in our family’s best interest for me to resign from my teaching career and become a stay-at-home mom.  This decision changed our financial situation drastically . . . but God always provided.

When our son was about 2 1/2 we started to discuss our next adoption plan.  We knew that our income and financial status had changed and that going with an agency was not in the budget.

We also believed in our hearts that God always provides.

Personally, I had heard story after story of how people adopted privately.  I heard how one person knew another person that knew someone who was pregnant and considering adoption for her unborn child.  These connections were made without the help of an agency (which on average charge potential adoptive parents more than $30,000).  Some of these situations took place long before social media.

I believed we could make a connection without the help of an agency.

I wanted to document all the steps we took to make our adoption happen in the hopes to help other couples like us. We believe that many couples would make amazing parents – but do not have the amount of money adoption agencies require to begin the process.

My first few blog posts documented how we started what we thought we be our second adoption journey.  The first post I wrote was titled Pursuing an Adoption Without An Agency

That post was so thorough I realized I would have to give more details, connections and ideas I had in a second post, which I titled:

Pursuing an Adoption Without an Agency: Part 2

It took about three years . . . here is what we did right:

We relied on faith.

I can not emphasize how important prayer is in this journey.  Matt and I prayed that God would bring us more children.  We prayed a novena to Saint Therese‘, we prayed the Rosary and we prayed the Spiritual Adoption Prayer.  

Each of these prayers are truly powerful.  When we received the call about our twins being born, we were in the 7th month of praying for a boy and a girl.

This was our third round of praying the Spiritual Adoption prayer as a family.  It was the first time we ever spiritually adopted twins – let alone a boy and a girl.

We prayed the Spiritual Adoption Prayer before dinner each night.  Our twins were born at dinner time on a Wednesday.  That night, the skies were blue and pink at sunset.  I was so in awe of the sky that night I took a picture of it and posted it on my Instagram account.

Relying on faith was not just constant prayer, but trusting God every time we paid for our home study – at first to get it completed initially and also to get it updated each year.  We relied on faith knowing that God would bring us our children.  We didn’t know if they would be healthy, we didn’t know if they would look like us, we didn’t know if they would be born in our state or across the country.  We let God take care of the details.  His work surpassed our dreams. His love is unmeasurable.

We Completed Our Home Study

We were “matched” with our twins on their birthday!!!!

The paperwork required for a home study typically takes longer than a month to process – if we did not have our home study complete, the twins would not have been permitted to come home with us when they did (at 3 days old).

In fact, there is much more to this story.  A lot happened in the three days between their birth and release from the hospital.

 The fact that another person did not have a completed study was also a factor in what was ultimately divine providence.

“Stork drops”, as this kind of quick match at birth is sometimes referred, are not uncommon.  Some women go into labor with adoption on her heart and mind, but no plan.  It’s best to be ready for a baby at any hour!

We didn’t even have a crib or bassinet set up!  You might want to have one ready!! Here is a best seller from Amazon: Baby Bassinet

We Did NOT Give Up after a Year of Waiting

We completed our home study in January of 2015.  In our state, after your home study is a year old the law requires that it is updated in order to remain valid.  So then 2016 rolled around, we had to pay fees to both update the home study and re-apply for several clearances (child abuse, criminal, FBI fingerprints, etc.)

. We had some leads one possible match, but the mother chose to parent. When that mom chose to parent I was happy for her, but – it’s such an emotional journey and it can really take a toll on you and your spouse.  We chose not to give up though.

Then January of 2017 came, and we updated our paperwork again.  At that point we started looking into a special needs adoption agency and re-considering foster care.  We were in the midst of considering those roads when our youngest son and daughter were born.  We spent a good amount of time waiting – and we are not “young”.  It was all totally worth it!

It’s amazing what happened during the wait – the same month the twins were born, my first book was published (Be Yourself: A Catholic Journal for Girls) !! I still can’t believe it somedays!!!

We were open about our hope to adopt we told EVERYONE

We let everyone know we were hoping to adopt again.  We told friends, strangers, acquaintances, family members, hair dressers, etc.

We told people in person and through social media.

Our connection was made – now try to follow this – through a hair stylist I went to randomly one day in February.

I went to Ulta to get my hair done.  I met a young new hair dresser who was so sweet and incredibly good at doing my hair.  As she combed and curled, we chatted.  It started out about “This is Us”, and I shared with her our hope to adopt again.  I told her about our sweet son.  She told me her mom was adopted – and that she was a labor and delivery nurse.  I immediately asked if she could tell her mom about my husband and I and keep us in mind if she ever heard of anyone considering adoption.  She did . . . and that is how we became our twins’ parents.  We have yet to meet the hairdresser’s mom who connected us, but we certainly plan on it! – update, we met her – see a pic I posted on Instagram!!

When I made that connection with Sarah (the hairdresser) I didn’t have our adoption profile I usually brought everywhere.  I did, however, have my prayerwinechocolate.com business card.  That business card enabled Sarah to get a hold of me the day the twins were born.  Make sure you tell everyone – and make sure they have a way to get a hold of you when they hear of a baby – or babies – that need a family!

We Chose the Right Attorney

By talking to other families that adopted, we were introduced to our adoption attorney.  He was not the first adoption attorney we met or worked with – but, he is the best.  When Matt and I got our home study done we reached out to Jay Ginsburg of Adoption Advocates.  He spoke to me with kindness, hope and patience.  He assured me that I could call him any time and with any questions.  He never charged us for calling him.  He never charged us when he spoke with an expectant mother who was considering us as potential adoptive parents. He let us know what he would do once we were matched and how much it would cost.  Jay and his assistant Genevieve rooted for us while we waited, and truly were happy for our family when we finally finalized.

 I definitely recommend finding an adoption parent support group in your area.  Find out which attorney is held in high esteem, and make a connection with him or her.

Adoption is overwhelming when you first start the journey.  It’s a great idea to look at adoption agencies in your area and see if they offer “free information sessions”.  Of course those agencies hope you sign up – but many do offer these for couples just getting started.  We highly recommend you go to one or two!

You can get this question sheet for free by clicking here! (It is #10!)

The post Pursuing an Adoption Without An Agency: What We Did Right! appeared first on Prayer Wine Chocolate.

In Part 1, I stated that my husband and I are mainly pursuing a private adoption for financial reasons. This is true and was our motivation at first. However, now it is not the only reason. If you have adopted, considered adoption or have ever talked to someone who has adopted – you have heard the process is expensive. It is so expensive it can be intimidating to a couple that would truly be great parents. Just as I strongly feel that a woman expecting a child should never choose adoption solely because she feels she can not afford to parent, I also feel that the high cost of adoption should not prevent a couple to be blessed as parents. Since many families would provide an amazing life for a child but are intimidated by the cost, I feel compelled to be a “trail blazer” in a sense. If our journey can help others to adopt, then that, to me, is awesome.

Perhaps our desire to adopt without an agency is in our hearts simply because God has a plan for our family that will come about in a way we could not possibly foresee. Whatever the reason, I want to share all I have learned with you. As I reflect on our journey of becoming parents again, I realize how many amazing organizations I have discovered. Researching ways to connect with birthparents sans an agency allowed me to find Project Cuddle, A Baby’s Breath and Special Angel’s Adoption Advocates. These organizations have phenomenal missions and spreading awareness about them, I believe, helps me do my part in making the world a better place.

We wrote this before we did it – WE DID IT!  Read more about how here: Adopting Without an Agency: What We Did Right!

Just getting started with the adoption journey?  Read this: Dear Couple Considering Adoption,

Ok, enough talking! Here are more ways to connect with a birthmother or birthparents and be on your way to a private adoption!

1.  Network, network, network!   Give your paper profile to everyone you know. Give it to your family, friends, your OB-GYN, co-workers, neighbors, your Mary Kay lady, your hairdresser . . . I think you can catch my drift here. Ask all of them to keep it in their glove compartment of their car or in their purse at all times. You never know when you may hear, “so and so’s daughter’s cousin is pregnant and considering adoption” . . . bam. Here’s an awesome couple. Share your Facebook page and ask all of your friends to like and share the page as well.  Keep your Facebook page interactive.  Post questions and invite friends to post and comment on it often. Facebook recently made activity mean more than number of likes . . . so the more it is written on, the more it will show up in the newsfeed. Also, you can pay Facebook a very small amount to advertise your page. Unless of course you put the words “unplanned pregnancy” in the title. They apparently frown on that . . . but I digress. On Instagram, like tons of pictures and follow everyone you know on there. Then follow people you don’t know. Use hashtags (#adoption #openadoption, etc.). If someone follows you on Twitter, follow them back. Post pictures and use hashtags on there as well.
2. Connect with other couples hoping to adopt.  As you network on social media, you will find other couples doing the same. Root for them, talk to them, share your ideas and ask for theirs. One couple we came across recently posted a picture of their family’s new addition! I messaged them, congratulated them and asked how they connected with their child’s birthmother. They said they went to an adoptive parent support group and a couple there had been contacted by their child’s birthmother; she was pregnant again and wanted to place. The parents decided that they were not in a position to adopt again, but told the birthmother about this couple hoping to adopt. The birthmother contacted them, they decided it was a good match and now the couple I met through Facebook networking has a daughter. I actually had just decided to join an adoptive parent support group – but would have never thought that a match would happen that way!  Another couple we met through networking was also blessed this month with a bundle of joy. They told us about an Adoption Consultant group. At this point we are not going that route (Consultants cost a couple thousand dollars – much less than an agency). Hearing other’s success stories will give you hope and more networking ideas!
3. Consider placing an ad in a newspaper.  I have heard from more than one person that print ads still work. Alison at Adoption Advertising Resources had such great success using newspaper ads when she adopted that she started her business to help others do the same. Alison will help you for as low as $12.99 and has offered to provide PrayerWineChocolate subscribers $5 off option one, $10 off option two, and $20 off option three. Check out her website to see more details about what each option offers: http://www.adoptionadvertisingresources.com/
4. Use adoption websites that connect expectant parents with adoptive families.  Four of these companies are parentprofiles.com, adoptimist.com, adoptbrite.com and Your Adoption Gateway.  Most of these companies agreed to give PWC subscribers a discount (for a limited time). Sign up today and you could potentially save over $100.00!! We were on three of them at one point, now we are only on two. Your Adoption Network wrote an extensive story about my husband and I on their blog, and even posted a video on youtube (here it is if you’re curious Our family video). I especially like how Your Adoption Gateway offers a support network for women considering adoption as a part of their services.  Your Adoption Network is

also extremely reasonably priced.

5.Reach out to crisis pregnancy centers and pro-life groups. Even though most women these organizations help will choose to parent, some do consider and choose an adoption plan. Some crisis pregnancy centers and pro-life groups refer women considering adoption to agencies, but others will happily take your information and keep you in mind if they meet an expectant mother considering adoption. Most of these organizations are based on volunteer help, so consider becoming a volunteer while you wait for your little blessing! Another important reason to connect with crisis pregnancy centers is to help a woman who may contact you   about a possible adoption plan. I realize when a person contacts you about being the perfect match for her unborn child it is really exciting. But it is extremely important to make sure that this young woman knows that if she does want to parent, there is help available. Encouraging a young woman who is considering adoption to visit a crisis pregnancy center will help her discern if adoption is the right path for her and her baby.

6.Sign up with Special Angels Adoption Advocates.  Special Angels is an adoption advocacy group that places children with special needs. 85% of the children they place are under the age of one. Although they hope to become an agency soon, they are still an advocacy group and being on their waiting list is completely free. Each situation they are presented with is sent out to those on the waiting list. Couples decide if they want to apply for the situation. Some children that need homes have severe medical diagnoses, but others are not so severe. Our son was born with some medical needs and I asked if they ever see cases like his – and they said yes! Each situation Special Angels sends their waiting families include the expenses. Some of these situations are potential private adoptions others are agency. Special Angels places about ten children a month across the U.S. Find out more information on their website! http://www.specialangelsadoption.org/ 

7.Be creative.  We have been encouraged to create pass along cards by many people. We decided instead to order pens from pens.com with our information on it. We figure pens travel, and they are useful. I mentioned this idea to my sister who is in college and she agrees it’s a great idea. I’ll be giving her pens to leave around campus as soon as they arrive!  If you choose to order from pens.com, make sure you search for a promo code on Google.  I am so happy I did this – it saved me close to twenty dollars!

8. Be patient and be careful. Unfortunately, there are scammers out there. Having an adoption attorney lined up to work with you will help you weed them out. It’s a good idea to ask a potential birthparent to contact your attorney. Many scammers will disappear after that suggestion. Others will call your attorney, but chances are your attorney will sense something isn’t right and let you know. As for being patient, someone once said to me, “Remember that you are not waiting for a child, you are waiting for your child.” Have faith and don’t give up!

Please remember that each state has specific adoption laws.  In PA, using an adoption consultant is legal.. It is not legal in all states.  Also, paying for birthmother expenses is illegal in PA, but not in others.  It is extremely important to be familiar with your state laws.

I’m hoping Part 3 of this series will reveal how we adopted our second child! Until then, please share your stories of hope and dreams coming true!

Want to check out part 1? Click here: Pursuing an Adoption Without an Agency: Part 1

Adopting without an agency; Adopt without an agency

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